Why her and not me?
Over the years, especially when I was down on myself. There she was.
When I felt like my own cup was no longer half full, when I got tired of pulling myself up by my bootstraps, there she stood.
I didn’t like this part of me.
She a part I was ashamed of.
I tried to keep her hidden, but she was like a jack in the box.
When things boiled over, there she was! Boing! Even though I know there are no positives to be found in trying to compare ourselves to others, there I went.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, why god, why?
When my dog was diagnosed with cancer just 2 weeks after my divorce, why me?
When I saw pregnant ladies all around me, except for me, why?
My list finally stopped in 2005.
I realized I had CHOICE.
We can’t always choose what happens to us in life, ie- I had cancer at 19. But I can choose how I FEEL about something.
It made me ask.
Why NOT me?
Even deeper still…
Who was I comparing myself to?
And for what?
What did I really want?
And what is behind that?
THAT is what is I want to talk to you about.
What do you really want?
And what would happen if you really got it?
How would it really make you feel if you did?
Would you want it?
Do you deceive yourself by thinking that once that “thing” happens, you will finally be happy.
Do you talk yourself out of wanting something, putting obligation, feeling guilty or badly, or someone else’s needs first?
Or do you put it away in a box labeled “it will never happen for me”, “I am not lovable, pretty enough, smart enough, etc”?
Many of us spend time thinking about what we DON’T want vs. what we actually want.
Food for thought: just what IF, it was YOU?
1) Celebrate what is YOU and uniquely you. Can you see some of the goodness in you? What are some qualities you love? For example, I can be serious one moment and be silly like my 5 year old next. I am quirky and honest, giving and kind. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Focus on qualities vs. things. Next, take that feeling and apply it into a goal, event, or thing that you would like to realize. Take one step into FEELING what it would feel like. One of my dreams is to go on a book tour reading to classrooms full of kindergarten-second grade kids about pet loss. It feels magical when I lean into it, to help shift the way someone views grief and loss for the very first time.
2) Get clear on your what you it is you want out of life and then laser FOCUS on that. What can you do to take one step towards that thing, quality? My first step for the project I stated above would be to create a PSA for pet loss. I’ve reached out to some folks that could help me on the production end.
3) Spend a little time to FORGIVE yourself for any thoughts of perfectionism, being hard on yourself. We are all divine beings, having many human experiences. We are all a work in progress.
Forgiveness = For-to-give
“Forgiveness is such a gift that “give” lives in the word.” ~M. Ventura~
Can you give to yourself this week? What can you do to line your drawers with more love, vs. what you don’t want?
Last but not least, I invite you to answer this question below: What makes you do the happy dance?