At the beginning of last week, I looked forward to my father visiting. However, I was not anticipating a call Wednesday evening reminding me to pick him up curbside at LAX the next day. I thought he was coming Friday…his 86 year old mind thought Thursday. A mad 24 scramble to re-schedule coaching calls, meetings, followed our brief conversation. I was stressed.
Or had I stressed myself out with all of the “doings” I had scheduled?
Prior to picking him up at the airport, I set an intention to be mindfully present of the now. To not rewind my tape of the past, my turbulent childhood, to not bring bits of hurts and misunderstandings. I made a list of things of the little things that normally would have triggered me and set another intention to set them free.
We had a lovely, lovely visit. My daughter, now almost 5 had an entirely different experience with her grandfather then earlier this year. The 2 of them in the backyard chatting. So so sweet. So healing. 4 decades worth.
Could setting an intention made that much of a difference? What changed?
After dropping him off at the airport yesterday, I began my mad dash to catch up. I opted out of going on a field trip to the pumpkin patch with Kayman’s pre-school class because I had scheduled a call. I absolutely had to work. I worked, but not as productive as I could have been. This includes not posting this entry until NOW. Then came my aha moment. —
Seeing my father is 86 and we see each other but 1-2x a year, I was really aware of how this may be the last time. I noticed all the little things. How much harder it was for him to get up and down from his chair each time…the purplish spots on his arm that weathered and cracked from just aging, the shuffle in his steps.
I practiced being present, listening, observing and receiving. We did not make any plans so there were no expectations. As a result, there was a lot of carefree joy in the little moments—seeing him and Kayman laugh, holding hands, walking down the street. All of us sitting together for a meal, Michael, my mother in law, my father, Kayman, the blended family.
I also noticed how I was with myself during all bits of the weekend. I didn’t feel like I had to make sure he was comfortable, entertained, happy etc.
I was really just myself.
So today, my aha moment to share is this. How can I, as an solopreneur, a mom who’s bringing home the bacon, go BACK to THAT place more during my work week. The place of the mindful, the knowing and more importantly for me, ACCEPTANCE. This morning, I went back to my type A go mode, when I could have stayed in my alter “A” mode of accepting what is. Until now…
So today’s bounce back Tuesday message is this.
If you find yourself in the “doings” and perhaps not “finishing” cycles of things…
What would it look like to give yourself permission to slow down
And at the same time, be ok with that?
For me, it means being here, with you all now, writing, AND
Not kicking myself for not going to the pumpkin patch.
Not feeling guilty for not being more productive.
Recognizing something greater than myself is at work here…because while I had scheduled calls, I had forgotten the roofer was coming this morning from 8-12 and all of my meeting had to be re-routed.
Not rushing to finish this because I had the self-imposed deadline to send this out every Tuesday, but because I so love the silent place this takes me to, back to the stillness when I am writing.
And most of all, for me,
it’s practicing loving all of me, the whole enchilada, imperfect bits and bobs.
What parts don’t you accept about yourself right now?
Can you give this part some love?
Can you give it some more?
Can you give the imperfections some love too? And some more? When we can begin to love all of the parts of us, it begins to set us free.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this. It means the world to me to be able to share these Tuesday tidbits with you. Please comment below with any thoughts or if you know of anyone who may benefit with a little “bounce” back in their step, subscribe to our newsletter.
With big, mad, love until next week,