Yesterday, I woke up with my throat on fire. Up until now, I have been lucky to escape the “bug” that has gotten many of my friends sick this past Winter. Nursing a cayenne pepper/lemon/honey concoction all day, I hoped I had caught it in time. You see, for the past month, I’ve been on “doula/friend” support for my friend Cass who was expecting their 3rd bundle of joy into this world. Of course, as the universe would have it, her labor text came in the late afternoon as I hit a wall, my energy waning.
I didn’t want to miss her birth. I told her I was going to be there for her. How could I if I could barely be there for myself? My brain struggled.
I felt guilty I let her down. I beat myself up for not being a good friend. I figured I had maybe 6 hours of energy in me, between the drive to the hospital and back. I finally called and left her a message, saying I could come, but I was sick.
Then I realized something. It was my ego doing all the talking. My ego was telling me I sucked, I wasn’t a good friend, I wasn’t there for her, unless I got in that car and drove. When I quieted that side of me, a voice said, ENOUGH. Stop obsessing about what you THINK she is thinking. You’re sick. You don’t want to get her or the baby sick.
In that moment, I let go of the worrying, or the fear of letting her down. I was using being afraid to have some control over a situation I didn’t have control over. Cass called moments later and the conversation was perfect. I was too sick to leave the house. She ended up having a C-section. Today, I offered to organize a meal wheel for her, so she can have support when she arrives home. A win-win!
Some call it intuition, our authentic self, etc. When we are in this place, we act without doubt or hesitation, and from a place that we are enough.
It is the “shoulds” that shakes us from our path. Below are some ways I got back on my path last night by asking myself the following questions:
What are some other ways you’ve worked with your inner critic? I’d love to hear from you below.