Stop kicking yourself in the butt

Intention: Today, I let go of old thoughts, to make room for new thoughts in my heart.
I let go of past actions, I forgive and am forgiven. My heart is present to my goodness and those around me.

We all mess up. Me, you, Obama, Buddha, even the unconditonal, loving dog. One of the things we tend to do is beat ourselves up when things don’t go the way we want. Our inner critic goes above and beyond the point of useful, often times becoming self-critical and mean.

Yes, mean.

How many times have we kicked ourselves in the butt about our mistakes, but would never consider doing it to someone else, especially a friend.

Has there been a time you’ve been mean to yourself? Perhaps there was a high bar set by a little sub personality called the “perfectionista” 🙂 who’s out do some self-judging, self-loathing.

Are you someone who can console a friend who’ve recently lost their beloved dog that she did everything she could, AND at the same time, still kick yourself for not making the right choice about your dog years ago?

Yes, to self-forgive means a) we acknowledge and accept responsibility for what went wrong b) experience some elements of feeling guilty and regret is a part of the journey c) yet- overcome these emotions and move towards acceptance.

Yet, why do we procrastinate in moving towards the acceptance part?

If you find yourself carrying heavy thoughts, here are some things you can do to work on releasing the past, and to forgive yourself in order to make room for all of the goodness that is present.

Today’s inspired action:
These exercises can be done with a partner who can listen unconditionally)
Take a moment to set a timer for 10 minutes (or sit with a partner).

Write down or speak about all of the moments in which you feel you like you could have done something different, or something more, than what you did for (insert person, circumstance etc)
Let all of the doubts, pain, anger, and guilt, the feelings of not enough, too much, or whatever may be surface come bubbling to the top. Write them down in a list form.

Here is mine for the day:
Kayman, my daughter and I were talking about writing a letter to Santa and one of the items on the list was a brother. Given that I am currently in menopause, I offered up other options like a princess dollhouse. Yet, my menopause brain couldn’t help but loop that thought for a bit.

{Visual: putting my hand over my heart}
I forgive myself, for judging myself as making poor choices during my divorce, timing things poorly. The truth is, I gave my marriage my best shot, and did the best I could at the time as I knew how.
I forgive myself, for judging myself as not being able to give Kayman a brother. The truth is, menopause is not something I can control. My body and I did the best that I could as I knew how.

You see how this works? By writing these thoughts down and then REPEATING IT OUT LOUD to a friend, or into a mirror, it “frees up” the looping thoughts in our head.

Then repeat each of those items on the list beginning with “I forgive myself, for judging myself about this {insert action}. The truth is, I did the best I could at the time. “
Repeat for each item on the list.

Another thing you can do is practice EFT tapping on self-forgiveness.


Here is the script below:

Setup – Karate chop:

Even though I’ve done some things in my life that I can’t seem to forgive myself for right at this moment, I love and accept myself.

Even though I feel like I can’t let myself off the hook for some of the things I’ve done, and I keep kicking myself in the butt, I deeply love and accept myself.

Even though I feel like I may not have an excuse for what I felt was a mistake, I need to forgive myself first, and I deeply love and accept myself.

Eyebrow: I feel so guilty about what I’ve done
Outside eye: And people I may have hurt
Under eye: I can’t seem to let it go or forgive myself
Under nose: even though I know I didn’t do it on purpose
Chin: It makes me feel like I should be punished forever
Collar bone: I wish I could keep from beating myself up
Under arm: Other people would be forgiven for this
Top of head: And I can’t seem to forgive myself.

Eyebrow: I don’t know why I keep beating myself up
Outside eye: I know that the past is over
Under eye: When I make a mistake, I know it is all part of a learning process
Under nose: I deserve forgiveness, just like anyone else
Chin: I am willing to let go of the guilt, one step at a time
Collar bone: I am going to do it in a way that feels safe for me
Under arm: Opening my heart to the idea
Top of head: I will forgive myself, just as I can for everyone else.

Eyebrow: I would like to stop punishing myself now
Outside eye: I want to be happy again
Under eye: I can forgive myself for not being perfect
Under nose: I am living the best way I know how
Chin: I can feel compassion for the person I am
Collar bone: As I continue to release those feelings of guilt, of self blame
Under arm: I thank the universe for helping me forgive myself
Top of head: And I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

You can refer to this anytime you may feel stuck on a mistake you can’t seem to forgive yourself for.  Lots of love until next week,



8 thoughts on “Stop kicking yourself in the butt”

  1. I am a HUGE believer in setting intentions…and on self forgiveness!!! My life changed dramatically when I started setting intentions daily. Thanks for sharing this!!!

  2. Well done post, Claire! I was very impressed by how detailed you go into the setting of intentions. Makes me realize how much more specific I need to get. And the way you expressed your vulnerability in sharing the detail about your daughter really warmed my heart.

  3. Awesome! I agree about how important it is to stop kicking ourselves in the butt. I teach about improving self-talk, too. I also work on forgiveness of self and others on a regular basis and what works really well for me is what you also suggested – – to come to the understanding that I (or others) did the best I (they) could do at the time.


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