First the good news! Was able to breathe a sigh of relief this past Friday when the words “benign” came through the end of the phone. I have to admit, last week was a LONG week of practicing all of the tools in my toolbox. The ultrasound of my thyroid revealed an irregular bordered nodule which they biopsied. 4x, long needles inserted into my thyroid, repeated taps and pulls to extract the samples. Those minutes felt like hours, as a mini life review looped in my brain, the past, my bucket list of things I still want to do, future fantasies of worst case scenarios, wondering the what if’s. What if this is malignant?
I left the office feeling a bit disheveled by last words of “it’s 3mm, small, if it’s anything, we’ve caught it early, and the best type of cancer if you’ve got it…and besides, you are a grief coach, you’ve got it all handled”. Yikes, I know they were well meaning and it was intended as a compliment, but it caught me off guard. How are others supported when they receive bad news?
Once home, I rallied the support of friends and family and reached out to community. I posted on FB and was comforted by the light sent my way. This time, I cocooned and nested when I could, giving myself permission in between coaching calls and other business to cry, journal, reflect, scream and be vulnerable. I re-read parts of Stephen Levine’s book One Year To Live to help me anchor in the bits of joy in my life. I set an intention to really notice and savor little nuances of life this past week–and below are the bits and bobs of the treasures I found;
-watering the veggie garden in the front yard, noticing the growth of the sunflower seeds we planted a few weeks ago, the budding green tomatoes forming on the japanese tomato plant, where shanti, our pup had stepped, her pawprints
-following the flight of a group of pelicans in formation at the beach and how graceful they were
-loving my daughter up and allowing myself to lose myself in her giggles
-feeling the warmth of shanti as she laid her head right over my foot and kept herself close by
-snuggling up to read bedtime stories and savoring
This scare has been a gift in so many ways. Through this, I was reminded these nuggets of goodness is always available to me, to fill my inner with warm fuzzy bits of joy and happiness, as I need it, no matter what the call on friday revealed.
So this week, as we all embark on our lists of “to-do’s”, meetings, etc….I invite you to journey with me on strengthening your inner core and fill it with bits of joy too, so that you are fortified when challenges come your way. Will you take a minute and share what bits of joy and happy sustains you below? I would love to hear from you. <3