Happy pre-mother’s day. There will be many posts on Facebook tomorrow, filled with love and appreciation to all of the mothers out there. I celebrate all of us. The love, dedication, strength, care, spans across the globe, filling rooms.
However, tonight’s post is dedicated to all of the mothers I know, who are missing their babies. I celebrate their strength, their love, their dreams and hopes, of what might have been. Whether it ended in miscarriage, stillbirth, whether the baby lived one minute or one year or more, this is a salute to these mothers, and the strength in their light that shines amidst their darkness.
For some, tomorrow will be a difficult day. The memory of their baby will always be in their heart. As they continue to integrate the loss, they find that life goes on. The sadness never quite goes away altogether, but becomes woven into a new tapestry that they will weave, with new memories and new meanings. A memory that will never be forgotten. Memories may fade a bit over time, but the love never will.
This is for YOU, all the mothers out there who are missing their angel babies. Below are some things you can do to celebrate the mother in you tomorrow, however it feels right for you. Motherhood is not calculated in minutes, but the essence of the mother in you. The mother you already am.
-Consider writing a letter to your baby. Share your thoughts, hopes and dreams.
-By putting your thoughts onto paper, it can be freeing, to move any residual emotions or pain that still might be stored inside the body temple.
-This is for YOU. You do not have to share it with anyone. It is absolutely confidential, so you can allow your heart to open.
-If writing is not for you, consider finding a quiet place where you can be by yourself for a few minutes and have a conversation with your baby.
-Talk aloud as if you were having a chat. Do not edit your feelings. Allow them to flow from your heart.
-Find a friend or family member you feel safe with and ask if they will hold a sacred space and listen. Share about whatever holds an emotional charge or “juice” with you on this day. Memories of the pregnancy, whatever phase of motherhood you experienced. This is a testimony of the love your had for our child and the bond between the two of you. This is something that will always remain.
-Do something to nurture yourself today. Even if all you feel like doing is stay in bed all day, give yourself that gift. Consider this change of scenery; luxurious sheets, a new robe, magazines, a cup of tea, some flowers near by your bed.
-Seeing the positive. Even in our darkest moments, there is something positive that came out of your loss. Perhaps it is realizing the strength you never knew you had, or coming to find a deepening in the support from friends and family. Or the hope you have inside your heart.
Sometimes, this is the road that leads to acceptance. And letting go of controlling a situation to find that we do not have control afterall.
-Celebrate YOU. Acknowledge yourself for being a mom.