On my way out from dropping my daughter off at preschool this morning, I had a brief chat with one of her teachers. A quick “hello” evolved into a lengthy discussion about her 89 year old father who was on a ventilator after breaking his hip. Her family debated if he should have been placed in a senior care facility after the death of his wife last year. If he had, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened. He had wanted to be in his home, so he could grieve in private. Now his family is grieving his pending loss. “I’ve never faced death before this last year” she said. We spoke about seeing the “gift” in his journey. I presented an alternate perspective. The gift of him being able to live out his last months his way. How he could have fallen anywhere, even if he was in a care facility. Most importantly, we spoke of how her family will cope now.
On the drive home, my brain went from the yay I “voted” high five feeling to thinking about what really counts. People talk about how life is precious, life is brief, fragile, how it’s all in the details, savor each moment etc. I find that although I am a cup half full kind of gal, I am also practical when it comes to all of the “positive-isms” I call them. We can think it, but not be it 100% of the time.
So today’s post is not about feeling like you have to wake up and smell the roses every morning. And then fall in the camp of feeling “guilty” because we didn’t, feel “badly” (another version of guilty) because we feel guilty.
Today IS about focusing on one little thing that might turn your joy, the warm feeling in your belly, whatever you want to call it—what juices you up, your happy button and do something to amplify THAT UP!
Choose one thing. In the past, I’ve caught myself thinking “If only x would happen , then I would be happier, more (insert your choice of words here).
When I feel stuck, I realize that it helps me to focus on one thing and see if I can give it some love to flip my thinking around. Keeping it to one makes it doable. When we change something in our lives, especially a pattern, it is also being important to celebrate our little successes.
Yesterday, my “stuck” was about not being able to see where my baby lives 50% of the time. Here’s a snippet of our conversation.
On the way to school yesterday, in the car with my daughter who’s 4.
K: “Daddy says no one can come over who doesn’t live there.”
K:”That’s why you can’t visit momma. It’s a rule.” (we just started talking about what rules mean)
What to say?
A) I could be snarky B) ignore C) play it down, play nice. I had told myself I wasn’t going to sugar coat things to protect her. I’ve never seen, how she lives 50% of her life. Yes, it has eaten away at me in the past. She tells me she still sleeps in a crib with one of the sides off. Most importantly though, I know she is safe, cared for and loved at all times by both of us. This is what I focus on.
Me: “Does Sui Ann come over to visit? (Daddy’s GF)
Me: “Does she live there?”
Me: “So then, maybe it’s a silly rule.”
K:” Daddy says you can’t come to my house”
Me: “Maybe I will one day. Daddy and Sui Ann can visit here anytime and you can show them your room.”
Instead of being snarkey, I am focusing on “maybe one day.” I think of all of the happy times we have, Kayman, Michael and I, and oh, can’t forget her 3 “sisters” (4 legged ones) . We just spent 5 days together, our little family. I can’t change cribs or schedules, but I always have a choice.
Just as I had a choice in how I voted this morning, I have a choice in the moment now of how I can be. Snarkey or loving. I am choosing LOVE! (and equanimity, most of the time;)
This is my wish for you. Find one thing that may be a little snarky for you and see if you can infuse it with some love. Even if it feels scary. It’s okay. You are choosing to take a different path. New things can be scary. And you will be supported every step of the way. I promise.
Choose to be in the NOW. Not what you didn’t do yesterday, or what you wish could be different tomorrow.
Thank you Rosie for our chat this morning and inspiring me to “smell my roses” today. Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart for reading. I would love to hear about any “less snarky” stories you might have below:)
Until next time,
Big hugs and big love,