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5 reasons to stop suffering and return to happy

  • Posted by: claire

 

I was going to do a post mother’s day blog dedicated to my mother. Then this morning, during meditation, a different way to honor her appeared.

Imagine thought bubbles appearing above the heads of two women sharing about their mother’s day experience.

First women: (With arms up in delight) My day was full of unexpected love and surprises!

Second women: (With steam rising from her head) Where was my breakfast in bed? My husband was supposed to take the wee ones out so I could rest but as usual, he failed. What a day!  I ended up making dinner again, because he can’t cook to save his life…same every year. Do I have to spell everything out? 

WHAT if I told you both descriptions could have been from the SAME person, but different perspectives. Consider this scenario: It’s Mother’s Day and she rises from her bed an hour later than usual to noise in the kitchen. When she walked into the kitchen, it was a mess and her little ones were making breakfast. There was juice spilled, dogs running around and something burning on the stove. (She could have gotten upset at the mess or pretended she didn’t see and crawled back for another snooze) Her husband was nowhere to be found. (It turns out he was in the garage, wrapping her present). After breakfast, he asked what she wanted to do on her special day, and she said “I don’t know”. (She could have spoken up if she wanted time for herself) They ended up all going down for a walk to the park with the dogs.  See how this day could have on differently, depending on whose point of view it was? 

Big love to my mom in her spirit world and bless her soul, but unfortunately, her upbringing had her cup more half empty than full. She did her best, until one day and she fell into the darkness and was not able to pull herself out. I wish I had the tools then that I knew now to help her. So here I am tonight, to pay it forward in my own way:)

There’s a saying there are 2 sides to every story…could it be your suffering side have more to say sometimes? Here are some easy ways to return to happy.

Remember the last time someone did something that unnerved you. It struck a chord and you picked up the phone to call a friend and repeated the story. You talk with someone else about it later on the same day, replaying the incident to make some sense, or to gain some perspective on the situation, to make sure you were part of any wrongdoing.  By the time you get to bed that night, you have been consumed with the story and am exhausted.

Here are 5 reasons to stop suffering and return to happy:

  1. It eats up your day—every time we re-play that scene in our head, re-tell it to another person, tell ourselves how unfair it is, we’ve let it consume our time when we could be doing something more positive with our day.
  2. We end up taking it personally—when we begin to dissect what happened, the interpretation of being “wronged” begins to take shape. We tell ourselves not to take it personally, but do. We end up deeper in our story, feeling hurt, and the loss.
  3. Holding a grudge keeps makes us exhausted at the end of the day, depleting our body of energy that we could have spent in more peace, more joy.
  4. A story begins to take shape, as we give our power over to the person, situation or event that is hurting us. We forfeit taking any responsibility and give control to that person or situation. It’s her fault, if she wasn’t this way, I would be different. Our relationship would be better. It’s so unfair. We REACT vs. being in control.
  5. We end up believing that suffering story—and that good things happen to others, not us.

Five ways to return to happy:

  1. Think your way back to happy. Send the person that is triggering you loving, kind thoughts everyday, in small doses, even if you are not able to forgive them yet. 
  2. When they make a comment about you, try and not take it personally.  
  3. Replay your trigger story with another point of view, where you see it from a positive point of view.
  4. Think about what life would be like if you did not let that person, place or thing control you.
  5. How would your life be different?

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Author: claire

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6 Comments

  • I completely agree that perspective is everything. And you’re so right – it all comes down to making a decision to see the world in a way that feels better to you.

  • Wow, such a helpful blog. Not that these tips are going to help anyone overnight overcome their “grudge” or unhappiness, but I think they’re good steps in the right direction. I believe most of us could benefit from looking at things from a more positive perspective, and then see what happens. Thank you!

    • admin

      Hi Joanne,
      No I agree, these tips are meant to serve as a guide, as it takes at least 21 days to form a new habit. I think we all have the potential to shift into a more positive re-frame, sometimes we we just need a nudge from a friend to help us forward.:) Thanks for reading!

  • Oh – how we love our stories. I think some of us feel comfortable being in a rut and miserable — because it takes effort and courage to reorient ourselves to be happy. Baby steps for sure – but I will make sure to note when I find myself repeating a story, and re-experiencing that negativity. That sounds exhausting when you put it that way.

    • admin

      Hi Sara,
      Didn’t mean to make it sound so tiring LOL…but it can become habit forming without us even realizing it. Here’s some food for thought; if you find yourself repeating a story, see if you can trace the repetitive behavior back to someone in your family. Often, we mirror what we are shown…and over time becomes embedded in our brain without even realizing it. You might just find that repetitive behavior didn’t originate with you:)