Say yes to the sh** sandwich

Hello beautiful souls,


On last week’s blog, we talked about feeling it so we can heal it.

One person asked “what if we are IN IT, and we have work, children to take care of? We can’t very well just leave it all behind to process, heal etc.”

Great question!

What if it’s not about leaving it,  but ALLOWING? (vs. fixing, managing, controlling)

Instead of TOUGH TAMMY (my alter ego on last week’s blog)
Let me introduce “ALLOWING ALI”

Meet Ali.
Ali feels like she is caught in a bad dream. Her romantic relationship has fallen apart, she started a new business but the revenue isn’t happening (yet). The credit card debts are increasing, and so is her waistline with the pints of Ben and Jerry she goes to for comfort. She puts on a good face, so she doesn’t really feel comfortable confiding in anyone about all of this.  What to do?

Ali and I met and we created some new ways she could be with herself when she finds herself with yet another sh** sandwich. She gave me permission to share her list this week.

5 ways to say yes sh** sandwich. (when we allow, we let go of what we don’t want, and make way for more possibilities)

  1. ALLOW it. Ali’s found that in wishing, wanting things to different, she is resisting what her life is like right now. In resisting, she is not present. Wishing for things for to be different just adds fuel to the fire of what she is NOT WANTING. Allowing doesn’t mean weakness. It means not trying to change the situation. I REPEAT. Allowing is not weakness. It actually is quite the opposite. It takes strength allow oneself to be in the not knowing. When we surrender to the not knowing, that’s when we create space for more possibilities to occur.
  2. Ali realizes cultivating loving kindness for herself is one of the best things she can do for herself. She has committed to do a 32 day process with a loving kindness meditation. Sita Chopra, an amazing bright light I am grateful for created it and you can download it here on her website. It’s amazing how 4 simple phrases, “May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease.” is helping keep Ali’s heart open and allowing whatever’s next to emerge. 
  3. Dropping the stories she’s holding.  When those negative thoughts comes up, Ali visualizes there is an “island” out in the middle of the Pacific that she throws her thoughts onto. Instead of compartmentalizing her feelings, shoving them down, she is mindful that they are just that, thoughts. Nip it in the butt before it take sides as being something “good or bad”, we call it.
  4. Ali has courageously invited her shadow sides to tea (all the parts inside of herself she doesn’t like. Fear, anger, unworthiness). Ali finds a quiet space. She makes a cup of tea. She sits in a chair and puts one out in front of her. She asks that shadow part of her that is angry to come forward. She gives the anger a chance to tell her what he wants. Then she has a conversation with anger and tells anger what she needs. By looking at the anger vs. shoving it down, she gains new understanding. It also become a known entity she can then work with.  She can give it another “job” if she wants to.
  5. Ali makes a list of foods what she usually would goto “numb” out with. She then asks herself WHY she wants it. Her WHY is because she feels “deserving” after having to deal with so much suffering. Her WHY is to coat her feelings with the comfort of the Ben and Jerrys. 
    We talked about the notion of deserving being another shadow side. And how she doesn’t have to do anything to be feel deserving. Period. Just being. Being herself. And to work on the releasing the notion of suffering. (that’s another blog post in itself)  Ali created a list of support she goes to when she feels like she “deserves” something extra. When she is looking to “comfort” her feelings. Her list includes taking herself out for a short walk, calling a friend, taking a bath, going to a yoga class, dancing in the living room to a favorite song to lift her spirits. She also is taking one step everyday in the other areas she would like to improve.

In creating support ahead of time, it’s really empowered Ali to be there for herself in a new ways.  Society has rigged it so it is easier to celebrate joy. When we receive good news, we can’t wait to share it with someone. Yet, when we are feeling less than, we have a tendency to isolate.

This week, I urge you. ALLOW YOURSELF. allow yourself to feel all parts of you. Allow yourself to be in the uncomfortable zone. For how ever long it takes.

We all have some aspects of Ali in all of us. I’d love to hear from you below what ways you allow your shadow side to be present in a loving way.

 

12 Comment

  1. I love that list of all the ways Ali can give herself what she deserves, Claire and how this support plan can be put into place and used over and over again whenever life doesn’t go as expected!

    I honored my shadow last night by admitting to a friend some of my seemingly “out there” thoughts, only to be reminded that thoughts are just thoughts and most are pretty Universal at the end of the day.

    1. I love that Sabrina, honoring our shadow side. When we can give that part of us room to be freely expressed, it comes around to “tame” itself.

  2. One of my best figure it out techniques is a cup of tea or a warm bath. Time taken to think and accept is so valuable.

    1. I love the cup of tea idea! Sometimes, it takes but just minutes to shift our perspective. 🙂

  3. Great points. I love the four phrases. They are simple but powerful. It’s also great advice to acknowledge those parts of ourselves that we don’t like. It serves no purpose to ignore it. We can’t hide from ourselves, right?

    1. Yes, so simple yet powerful. And it is so important to acknowledge our shadow sides as well.

  4. Wow! This was a very timely post for me to read. Ali and I have a lot in common right now! Thank you for the list; I’ve downloaded the meditation and hope to have a more positive outlook soon from allowing these Sh*tty feelings to just be. 🙂

    1. I love her meditation, it is so simple and it works! Am sending you hugs Lacy!

  5. Beth K Bedbury says: Reply

    Allowing it is a big one. Denying things while they are happening does not fix anything. I do the asking questions one when wanting to just eat it works so well and allows you to make a conscious choice.

    1. Yes, so important for us to give ourselves the permission to allow. It’s common for it to be a daily reminder for me.

  6. Hey! Love your points. I’m a Mindfulness junkie, so I’m all for what we call radical acceptance. By radically accepting our ‘shit sandwich’ we don’t cast judgement or attach unnecessary emotion to it, making it easier to see it for what it really is, not what we think it is and thus move forward. Thanks for sharing – great work!

    1. Thank you, mindfulness plays such a big part, not making it good or bad.

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