Grief can be happy

  • Posted by: claire

Someone who recently “graduated” from our time together shared she was feeling a bit better with each passing day. There are days she still misses her dog terribly and yet, the happier memories are starting to surpass the last days of her illness. (Woo hoo that that!) “Sometimes, I feel guilty about being happy” she said. “Is that normal?”

Today is the Friday the 13th, a usually superstitious day. Some of us go through the day more cautious than others, just in case so nothing “bad” happens to us. If you took a informal poll, chances are, there will be others thinking the same thought.

Just as she felt a little guilty about being happy, perhaps this is what society has “taught” us how we should feel, and what we should focus on. When we lose a beloved pet or loved one, we are supposed to grief, be sad, this heaviness weighing all around us. When we go through a major life crisis or life transition, getting a divorce, losing a job, quitting smoking, losing weight, we are told to focus on the “good” that came of it. Often we don’t give ourselves a chance to say goodbye to grieve what was, without attaching a “good” or “bad” label to it.

What if that doesn’t have to be the “norm”?

What if grief doesn’t have to be “heavy”, “sad”, instead, it is what it is. It can change from sad to happy many times during one day. You can feel moments of happy and joy even in grief. You can be certain about your divorce and yet, still grieve about the moments of fierce love you once had. You may be on a diet of gluten and sugar free, feeling the best you ever have, and still miss the comforting companion called the chocolate torte.

I woke up in the darkness this morning. I took all of my supplements, my raw green food drink, and even a walk with my furry friends at the beach couldn’t shake my hum drum blues. Back at the office, I gave myself permission not judge and beat myself up about it as I had been going through a lot of shifts and changes lately. I meditated and was still feeling grouchy. I did some work and was still blah. Yikes, I had a call in minutes. So I grounded, and centered, and asked for spirit’s guidance. And focused on HELPING. Helping her help herself. That in turn helped me.

So…if you are grieving a loss, can you allow yourself go against the grain of what everyone might want you to feel? Be blah, hum drum, sad, mad, or even happy if that’s what you feel for the moment.There is no good or bad, or right or wrong. How can you help yourself? One way is by helping others. Another way is to give yourself space to ruminate about what you might be missing. It doesn’t mean you want it back.

I leave you with my favorite bird, the hummingbird, which symbolizes accomplishing what seems the impossible and helps teaches you to find the miracle of living from your own life. To your healing and a happy weekend:)

Author: claire

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2 Comments

  • You are so right that an individual’s grief has to run it’s own natural, grungy, unique course. Of all the times in life you have to be for you, grieving is it!. I have had a lot of opportunities to learn this in the last couple of years, and as I pull forward into the light again, I have to say, I really, really respect that the process is the process.