“I am not the sum of my responsibilities” is posted on my vision board along with other inspiring quotes. Today, I had a great coaching session with Treysii Zamarano, who reminded me to re-direct my focus on one thing, vs wearing the supermom hat. I have been feeling scattered lately, with the house sale, coaching, expanding the practice and luxepets. This morning, I awoke to an email from the broker that the other partyis still interested and to stay tune. Surprisingly, I found myself feeling neutral about it.  Being certain in uncertain times takes courage to surrender. And it takes energy to process.
So in between a inspiring call to put finishing touches on a workshop I am creating with Cara Gubbins, coaching and shipping pet memorial candles, I started feeling the chills, the beginning of a cold.  Drops of oregano oil, cups of hot tea later,  I am unplugging, practicing self-care. A spicy thai take out of Tom Yum Kai to sweat this cold out, some Pad Thai for Kayman, roasted veggies in the oven for Michael. Just for tonight, I am practicing being in my feminine, receiving, hanging out with the family, lounging in comfy sweats and loving special k and Michael up. <3

Day 4: Our broker emailed this afternoon to let us know the counter offer fell through. With the not so good came some good news…he’s received several calls from interested parties so another open house is scheduled for this Sunday and with that, perhaps an even better offer. Tonight, I remind myself that all things are possible. We may not be able to see the big picture of what’s in store for us. When my heart sank momentarily, I gave myself permission to feel into all of the emotions. I didn’t try to make things differently than they were.  I am seeing this as an opportunity to stretch and work my process more deeply. Tonight, I am hopeful.
  

In a conversation yesterday, someone said to me “be careful what you wish for” as I shared updates about the house. The offer, the counter offer. This house journey feels like it has taken on a life of its own. Just as I hold for my clients, working with them to trust in the process, committed without being attached to the outcome, I now am called forward to uplevel and do the same…..48 hours until we hear back.

It feels like yesterday when Cassandra came over and together, we created our vision board for 2012. We had just started talking about selling the house then.
Pouring over photos from magazines, I created a “house for sale journey” on one corner. Today….a quote caught my eye; “change is possible….and it can happen quickly”.

This has happened so quickly for us. 2 weeks ago, we signed with a broker, 1 week later it was listed on the MLS. Open house 3 days later, caravan 2 days following and now an offer, followed by a counter offer.

The saying “things happen for a reason” keeps looping in my head.  I am an observer watching our house journey unfold.  
I ask myself, what are the odds that out of thousands of people living in Venice, you know the family who might live here. Our girls played at the park together.  What are the odds, that you are in a book club with their broker?  Without reading too much into it, it just feels right.

Today, even as I felt a tad bit anxious after searching on westside rentals and MLS for our next dream home and came up empty handed, that feeling came and went.

Trust was a quality I focused on cultivating my second year of grad school, and that was the year Kayman came into my life against all odds.
To cultivate greater trust in myself about this house journey, I’ve started at 32 day process to let go and trust.
I am committed to feeling more in my heart, my gut, versus my head. Without beating myself up over the choices I’ve made in the past, I love and accept myself.
I let go of my lists of shoulds, would haves, could haves and recognize when emotions come up, this is what’s true for me right now. It can all change in a moment.
I am trusting this process is unfolding for my highest good.

With that said, I send light ahead to the next 48 hours and continue to trust.
  

This morning, I sat as I usually did when I journaled…in the living room with a steaming mug of tea. It’s my favorite part of the day, when it is quiet, watching beams of sunlight poke through the frosted pane in the front window. Birds chirp, making music with the water fountain that sits catty corner to the front door.
Somehow, this morning looked different somehow. It was as if I was looking at it through a new lense. And then I realized, I was.

We are countering an offer for the house this afternoon. If the buyers accept—in 45 days I will be journaling in another living room.

The quote “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optionable” floats in my head. Except the word “pain” is replaced by “change”.
In eastern cultures such as buddhism, we are taught that everything is impermanent.
The good lasts for a while and then it shifts. The not so good also comes and goes.
And usually, even the not so good leads to something more positive, as there is a hidden gift, a lesson learnt in there, if we choose to see it.

Choice.  
Free Will.
Even in Change we have choices.

Ultimately, it comes down to how we perceive things.
Is there another way to look at this life transition?

What are some of my options of looking at this move?
This morning, I am choosing to lean into change vs. resisting. 

Finding a new home will be our new adventure.
A different perspective than holding it as “hard” or “won’t be as nice as the place we are at now”
Fresh start with my beloved husband whom I adore.
Creative space where there is new energy.
New opportunities to create without financial constraints

What are some ways you can shift your point of view, or think out of the box if you are facing a life transition?
We have the ability to embrace change.
It doesn’t have to happen over night.
So just for today, I will be gentle as I open my arms to new changes.

This morning, I received an email from our realtor that an offer on our bungalow may be coming very soon. This bit of news both lifted and sank my heart. First, it brought an air of excitement that amidst the economic housing crisis, someone else too felt the love from our little house.  Six degrees of Los Angeles was working it’s magic, as I knew the potential buyer. They too, had a young daughter who was close to Kayman’s age. Then, I felt fear. A grip. Where were we going to move to? What will be our next place we call home? Did I make the right decision?

But then, I realize there was more to it than that. When I first bought this home 11 years ago, my life was very different than it was now.  I was 32, newly married. We had worked hard to save enough for the down payment. Homeownership was something I was so proud of. It had been instilled in my chinese roots since I was young, the immigrant’s dream.  Then September 11th happened. There were layoffs and we were both downsized. My Mother In Law was diagnosed with a brain tumor and we became caregivers. She passed away the following year, and through it all, our marriage did not survive.

I clutched onto the home, buying it back from him, re-decorated to make it mine. 4 months later, the first love of my life, my beloved rescue dog Sophie was diagnosed with cancer and passed away within weeks. Grieving deeply, I gave up a successful graphic design business I had started with a friend.  I used the house as venture capital to start a new life by starting Luxepets, creating keepsakes for people and pets.

As I now worked out of my home, I set out to make it a sanctuary, employing the assistance of feng shui experts and energy healers to clear the space.
The house became my 401k, my retirement account as I set to re-build.

In 2009, I found myself completing a second relationship. At this time, I found myself in single motherhood without financial support. I gripped tighter onto the house, multitasking on projects, luxepets all while growing a coaching practice.  While the house was my sanctuary, it also became my private demon. It drove all of my financial decisions.  There were decisions not to take trips abroad, or be in a friend’s wedding because it did not fall into the practical column. I downsized, simplified and while the numbers worked itself out every month, I found myself in FEAR that there wouldn’t be enough for the next time around.

For 2 years, I have been on this rollercoaster.  Then I met Michael and we got married.  If any, this was a perfect time for a new start. Instead, this rollercoaster became a point of many discussions late into the night, some very challenging ones.

It occurred to me. I am not the sum of the things I have or own.
If I keep holding onto the house so tightly, I won’t be able to appreciate all of the beauty that is in my life, right now.
So I have been praying, writing, releasing, letting go of what the house means, on a physical, financial and emotional level.

Instead of worrying that kayman, our daughter will be uprooted from her home, I am holding for her a happy adventure of a new place, new room.

Instead of being afraid that we are going to sell and be left with less desirable options for accommodations, I am holding that this experience has been grace filled so far and will continue to be.

Instead of clutching onto what was and all the memories this house once held, where Kayman was born, where there were many celebratory moments, those moments will be in my heart wherever we go next.

Instead of blaming myself on poor decision making, I am choosing that it took great courage to start a new business.

Instead of gripping more tightly when I find myself in fear, I am choosing to lean into the fear and do it anyways.

As a life transitions coach, it is important for me to practice what I preach and share. It is humbling to acknowledge that today, I’ve been down on my knees in prayer asking for self-forgiveness, compassion, and heard a voice to share.  Today begins my 32 day practice of letting go and stretching into the next moment, as it comes, and be ok with not knowing what’s next.

PS-Adding to the post now, as we received the offer in between writing this post and now. Interesting how the universe conspires with us. I am leaning, leaning, leaning…..

On this day, most Americans will be celebrating their loved ones with candy, flowers, and other tokens of love.  For those of use who have lost a loved one, ended a relationship recently, or missing old loves, this can be an emotionally charged day.

What if, today could also be the day that you open your heart to your own love? Instead of replaying scenes of what was, what could have been, should have been—here are some options to create a kinder, gentler valentine for yourself.

-Give yourself permission to feel whatever feeling is up for you today. Don’t put on a cheerful face for others if really what you feel inside is sad. If you feel like crying, it may be a good way to release emotions that may have been inside for a long time.
-Do something nice for others or yourself today. A random act of kindness goes a long way in making our heart sing. Put an extra quarter in the parked meter next to yours…leave a thank you note for your mailman…tell someone you love how much you care.
-Reach out and touch someone. Don’t isolate if you are feeling blue today. Get the support you need. Maybe it’s a call to a friend you haven’t spoke to in a while, or making an appointment to have tea with a girlfriend
-Bless our mess/count our blessings. Even in our darkest hours, there are silver linings, sometimes it take effort to dust them off and make life sparkle again…can you spend a few minutes to write down 3 things you are grateful for, 3 things you enjoy doing, and 3 people you hold dear to your heart.
-Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. We tend to be the hardest on ourselves, especially on this day, we may end up wondering how some of the choices we’ve made got us to where we are…just for today STOP. Take a deep breathe and pat yourself on the back. Know that you are infinitely loved and surrounded by things you cannot see, people you have yet to meet.  That your very presence right now is an important part of the universe.
-Laugh. If you are reading this and feeling schlumpy, I’ve got an exercise for you. Get up from the chair and away from the computer for a moment. Lift your arm up in the air as high as you can. And JUMP! Jump up and down for about 30 seconds and I guarantee it will instill some silliness energy in you enough to put a smile on your face.

Even in change, there can be love around the corner.
Until next time, a big virtual hug extended to you and your community

Claire

This morning, I read about Monty’s passing on Huffington Post. Tom Hanks had used his WhoSay account to say goodbye to his beloved dog  Monty.

The blurb was “Monty. Deep brown eyes, noble demeanor, finest dog ever. A sad day. Goodbye Big Boy. Hanx,” 

Although it was a brief description, more than 230 members of his tribe responded with their “so sorry for your loss”. As pet owners, this is one thing we have in common–one day in the near and far, to say goodbye to our beloved furry family member. I wondered if Tom had to make that fateful decision when Monty was going to take his last breath.  Worry, guilt, despair, anger, are just some of the emotions that accompany “doing the right thing”. 

What if it could be a different experience for all of the finest dogs ever? 

What if you could be a change agent and leave a legacy behind?

As Sarah Sypniewski so eloquently put it, “But what if it didn’t have to be like that? What if there was a different way? What if you and your dog could actually enjoy those final moments—even days—together? What if you could do it on your own terms, free from desperate Hail Marys, medical procedures, and gripping stress?” 

Sarah, her partner Kim, owners of Bark Pet photography joined us this summer as we celebrated the life of Casey Chew with a Life Celebration party. The next day was difficult, but with a sense of peace in being able to give Casey this final gift. (You can read more about it here, in the holiday issue of Citydog magazine.) Here is a video about Casey the morning of her transition. 

Casey’s Gift

 It’s been 5 months since Casey’s transition. And her legacy to unfold daily. Last week, as we participated in the shooting of a documentary about pet loss (Furever, a film by fabulous Amy Finkel) thoughts of how to share this gift with the world kept coming up in conversation. Currently, I mostly work with clients who come to me after the loss of their beloved animal companion. I know in my heart that the experience of enjoying those final days and moments with Casey on our terms brought me much peace and comfort. It would pave the way for a different sort of grieving experience. 

I shared the article with Scott Kemp of Fabulous Fido, and he responded with a wonderful life celebration of Suki and a photo. 

“This is a beautiful article!  We did something similar for our 10 year old flat coat retriever suffering from cancer.  Suki put up a brave fight for about a year.  Never a whimper or a complaint.  It all become apparent one morning when she lost that sparkle in her eye and responsiveness to people.  So that day, we arranged for the vet to come to our home.  Prior to the vet, Suki and all her friends (our 5 other dogs) enjoyed a steak dinner.  Suki loved car rides so she also had her final ride around the countryside.  That night when the vet come to our home,  we sat with Suki on her favorite couch with her laying on our laps.  We all (dogs included) celebrated her life and companionship as our final good-byes were done in the comfort of her home and not on a cold steel table.  She now sits in a box in the room where her favorite couch is and where she spent most of her time.

We deserve to treat our “companions” with dignity in their final days.  It was a tough decision to make but Suki was ready.

Thanks for sharing.”

For all pet parents out there, know that you have the opportunity to create the most special lasting memory with your beloved animal companion, on your own terms. 

A life celebration party, special car ride, steak dinner, these are just a few of the ways you can say goodbye to your beloved four-legged family member.  The Sunday with Casey will forever be in my heart.  Email me if you would like to share your tails of love, or if I can support you in creating a lasting legacy for you and your family. Even in loss, there are blessings–if we continue to ope our eyes and our hearts to them. For now, we bid a fond farewell to Monty as he joins his pals over rainbow bridge.

The holidays can sometimes brings out blahs and feelings of grief when gatherings with friends and family don’t end up the way we envisioned. With 2012 almost upon us, what can we do to satiate our needs to be heard, loved and supported?
Have a playdate with our inner child! The part of us that may have been working too hard, neglecting self-care through out the year will relish in some free play with your wee one inside. It is free to do anywhere, anytime. A perfect way to create a new ritual for 2012.

Here’s how:
-Find a photo (or photos) of you from an age group you want to focus on
-Connect with this part of you
-Find a comfortable place to sit or lay down for about 30 minutes
-Close your eyes and take in a deep breath through your nose and out through the mouth
-With each inhale, breathe in peace and calm and feel a warm bath of white light envelope you
-On the exhale, breathe out stress,  release any worry and fear  you may have been holding in your body
-Repeat for 3 sets, allowing your body to relax deeper and deeper

-With the next breath, set an intention to invite your inner child to visit with you.
 
-Close your eyes and imagine you are walking towards a big tree in a grassy field filled with wild flowers.
-The skies are blue, it is sunny, warm, you feel safe here.
-Out in the distance, you notice a figure sitting under the tree.
-As you walk closer you see that it is your inner child.
-See your adult self hug your little one.

-Spend some time here with your inner child. Talk and share! Does you have a question to ask her? Perhaps there is healing you can give her as an adult that your inner child did not receive at this age? Support? Validation? Love?
Here are some other questions:

• How old is your inner child?
• What is your inner child here to tell you?
• As the adult now, what can you help your inner child understand? (for example, thank her for protecting you all of these years but you can take care of her now)
• Ask your inner child what is he/she trying to protect you from with a behavior or reaction to your life now (for example, your reactions to recent events may have been very “childlike” when you are normally very grounded and practical)
  

Now spend some time visiting and getting to know your inner child.
-What was your inner child’s favorite toy, activity?  Play and spend time with him/her.
-Perhaps you haven’t played lately and your inner child is here to remind you to be more playful!

-When you are done with your visit,  thank your inner child for the protection he/she has given you up until now. Explain to your inner child that their job is complete and give him/her a new role, to play!  And that you are an adult and capable of taking care of and protecting yourself.  Give your inner child a big squeeze and kiss, that you will always be there for them. Know that your inner child will always be there for you too.  

-Now, gently feel yourself float back into your body.
-You are taking all of the peace, calm, happiness back with you.
-When you are ready, open your eyes slowly.
-Spend a few moments jotting down any notes from this meditation.

Remember to spend time in free play each day even when you are not with your inner child.
Treat yourself to something “fun”–like a playdate with a friend, an ice cream cone on a warm sunny day, a walk on the beach.
Give yourself permission to laugh and play more often—even during a work day, for just 2 minutes.
Do something nice for someone your inner child would like— buy a stranger in line behind you at starbucks their cup of coffee, fill the parking meter next to yours, etc.

Here’s to more child like playdates and free play in 2012!

This morning, at Special K’s pre-school…I caught up with one of preschool teachers on the way out. Small talk about her weekend turned into impromptu coaching as the teache had been caring for her mother in hospice. She shared how her and her 7 siblings were walking on eggshells with each other, everyone on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop. Her mother had begun making her transition, refusing food for some time now, sleeping mostly, in and out of consciousness. Standing outside Kayman’s classroom, I felt the juxtaposition of light and darkness, young and old. The teacher asked me if I thought it was ok for her to take some time out for herself and her partner this weekend. She had been going over to the house during lunch hours, after school, all of her spare time. I provided as much support as I could. I gave examples of how in order to hold the light for others, we must fill out own cups first. In the brief 10 minutes we shared, I ended the conversation  on self-care as she ran back into the classroom to lovingly care for our munchkins.  The entire time, the story of Daniel was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to be able to help her step away from the darkness that we usually associate with death. It also made me reminded me how often we can get stuck in our sadness, darkness, as well of those around us. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to share Daniel’s story with her. How he emerged from being gassed with 20 other dogs that fateful week in October, we will never really know. The press focused on different theories on how he was spared from the poisonous fumes.  The amazement of the shelter staff when they opened that gas chamber door–he stood wagging his tail. It was interesting to note not many have theorized how it may have been for Daniel to see his 20 of his friends transition a painful death. What was going through his mind at the time? Did he not feel their pain? How did he survive to be the happy go lucky, loving pooch that he is today? 

From this photo taken at his new home with Joe Dwyer, Daniel loves to cuddle, play, spend time with his family and friends. Daniel is very present to the NOW of life. He has overcome pain and suffering to be with the Dwyer family. What can we learn from Daniel?

When we are in the midst of our darkness, let us observe and know in our heart that it too shall pass. Don’t get attached to the pain and suffering of others and make it our own. Daniel didn’t stay in his darkness. He moved into the light when the door opened. So as I move into this new week, with whatever challenges that may come in front of me, (mercury afterall, still is in retrograde) I will continue to count my blessings, gratitudes and hold in the light for all of us. Have a great week!

Using EFT to soften grief

 EFT is a technique that has been around for thousands of years. Like acupuncture and acupressure, Tapping is a set of techniques which utilize the body’s energy meridian points. You can stimulate these meridian points by tapping on them with your fingertips – literally tapping into your body’s own energy and healing power. Often times when we experience trauma, especially in grieving a loss, our “chi” or emotional energy becomes stuck. EFT  has been used to alleviate painful emotions. It consists of tapping on meridian points while stating the problems.  By stating and resolving the negative emotions at hand, it will help release the emotion stuck and restore the body to a natural balance.

 The tapping will help release the emotional pain. It will help bring more peace. You can read more about tapping at: http://www.thetappingsolution.com/

Below are some pet loss scripts, I created for a Pet Loss Group I am running adapted sequences from Eva Marklund and the EFT Tapping website. You can do these sequences in order, as many times a day as you like. Here is a diagram courtesy of: http://www.thrivingnow.com/free-eft-tapping-point-images/

Sequence Points:

KC: Karate Chop Tap firmly, with 4 fingers

EB: Eyebrow

SE: Side of the Eye

UE: Under the Eye

UN: Under the Nose

CP: Chin point

CB: Collar Bone

UA: Under the Arm

TH: Top of the Head

ONE: ACCEPTING THE LOSS OF MY BELOVED ANIMAL COMPANION

Even though losing my beloved pet is one of the most painful experiences I have ever gone through

I choose to keep my heart open

Even though it feels as though my heart is broken

I accept that death is a normal part of life

Even though I can no longer see my beloved pet

I know that our love is still intact

Our love connection is as strong as ever

EB: I know that on a deeper level

SE: I accept that death is a normal part of life

UE: I can resist my grief,

UN: It will affect my joy, happiness, my health

CP: Or I can accept death and have peace

CB: I can resist death and it will affect my peace

UA: Or I can choose to be wonderfully surprised by a new perception of death

TH: I choose to accept the death of my pet as a natural part of life

TAKE A DEEP BREATH….. then move on to the next one if you like. 

——————————-

SEQUENCE 2: RELEASING FORGIVENESS 

Even though I may have been feeling angry with god and punished by this

I can choose that spirit’s grace is always around me

Even though I know I haven’t completely forgiven myself or parties involved, I choose to know someday I will be able to.

EB: I choose to find compassion for myself

SE: I choose to find compassion for those involved, vets, doctors, other healers.

UE: I choose to know that I have the capacity to heal

UN: My body can release these feelings that no longer serve me

CP: I can begin to forgive myself

CB: I know it is important for my healing to do so

UA: I acknowledge that I am worthy of letting any guilt I feel go and allow forgiveness into my being

TH: I love and accept myself unconditionally

RELEASING GUILT

Even though I may have feelings of guilt

I can choose to be gentle with myself,

Even though I haven’t completely been able to let go all of the guilt

I choose to know someday I will be able to.

EB: All of the remaining guilt I feel around “should haves, could haves”

SE: I choose to let it all go now

UE: I am releasing any remaining guilt I am holding onto

UN:I loved my beloved pet and guilt has no place in my life where I remember my pet

CP: I replace all of the guilt I am feeling with my pet’s love

UA: I choose to release any remaining guilt and replace it with love

TH: I allow and receive the love that flows through me.  I feel love up through my feet, my calves, my knee, hips, filling my body, my heart, and flowing through the crown of my head, I am love. I am filled with love. 

——————————-

SEQUENCE THREE: REMEMBERING

 Even though I miss my pet so much it hurts

I choose to remember that my pet is free now

She is joyful, pain free and at ease

Even though it is hard for me to see past today

I know where my pet is, she can see a bigger picture

She can see our love connects us forever

Where she is, she doesn’t miss me or worry about me

Because she can sense our connection

Because she knows deep inside,

I am ok I am love

EB:I choose to remember the times together with joy

SE:I choose to remember the tender moments

UN:I choose to remember the fun times

CP:I know in my heart and soul that we are connected

CB:I choose to remember with joy

UA:I choose to remember with love and peace and trust

TAKE A DEEP BREATH…..